my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
