Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
