also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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