Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
