He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
