Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
