y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
