I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
