I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
