I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
