Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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