I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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