You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
