Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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