Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
