Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
