Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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