the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
