Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
