The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
