Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
