so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
