Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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