my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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