My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
