My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sober January is a disaster.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
