Buhtt sex?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
