OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
