Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
