So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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