i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
