she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
