When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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