Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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