i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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