I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
