Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
