I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
