I think I am morally bankrupt
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
