I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
