Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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