dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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