What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In other news, I just burned my penis
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
