Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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