when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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