His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
