If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
