The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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