it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
