I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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