i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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