He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
