the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
