you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
